recovering heroin addict seeks sugar and BLTs

Going over words or letters strikes me as someone who was doodling while on the phone, someone wishing to place emphasis (in an effort to create a drawn "bold" font), or - in the case of doing so while writing in all caps - someone who is a categorically insane sociopathic drug addict. Below is the written list and rambling explanations of such character.


Of course bread and milk would be grouped together. Along with bacon. Bread, milk, and eggs are what everyone is supposed to eat. Except that eggs freak me out. I once cracked one that had blood in it. I still have nightmares about killing baby chickens. And for the bread, be sure to pick up rye. It looks the most angry, and it saves me the step of toasting it since it's already dark brown.

Lettuce and tomatoes for BLTs. And because those words both have so many nice, straight lines that I can draw over and over. And it reminds me of how we end our NA meetings, "We stand in a circle because we don't do lines anymore."

WHITE CHOCOLAtE and MAC NUT creamers for my decaf. My therapist recommends that I no longer drink regular, as I need to wean myself away from all chemically altering substances. And decaf is usually all they have at meetings.

Chocolate ice cream reminds me of when I was growing up. We had a dairy farm with some Jerseys. My cousin Dale would visit each summer and every Sunday, we'd make ice cream together so we'd have something sweet to finish the day off with after milking in the evening during the week. One summer, Dale's mom called to report that Dale wouldn't be able to visit and help out at the farm for the summer. Turns out that Dale was made a recent resident in a West Virgina prison for producing, selling, and using meth. Funny, I just thought he was an insomniac with poor dental hygiene.

Contrary to my doctor's recommendations, I started my detox from heroin at home. I ended up blacking out on a number of occasions while still apparently otherwise functioning, then fell into a coma for a week. My aunt brought me to a hospital where I was to finish out my detox while monitored and medicated as necessary. Due to my so-called carelessness prior to hospitalization, I still have seizures now and then. While my penmanship has always left much to be desired, I feel as if this may be the cause of what some may call "sociopath" handwriting. Whatevs, yo.

Finally, don't forget the VANNiLLA PudiNg MIX (INSTANT. At rehab, I was told to expect sugar cravings - this is one of the few things I remember. Since getting out last month, I've spent $482 at Yankee Candles. I have the entire candle collections of the Buttercream, Sugar Cookie, and Vanilla Sundae lines. Sometimes, I burn the candles and eat vanilla flavored sweets at home while watching "Golden Girls" - it's my guiltiest pleasure these days. Oh, and the VANNillA WAFFERS cannot be forgotten - my beagle Jethro and I share them after our evening walks.